between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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