Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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