His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
