p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize