I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
