tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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