I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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