Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize