I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
