Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
