I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
