you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
