I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
