She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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