My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
