We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
