if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
