He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
