DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
