meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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