I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
