rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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