So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
