Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
