I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize