I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
