A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
