I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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