is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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