Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
