no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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