my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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