Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Be still, my beating vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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