I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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