THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize