I want to walk on stilts...naked
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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