There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
