I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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