I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
