we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
