Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
