I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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