I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
50% drunk capacity currently
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
