he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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