didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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