Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
