sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
