Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just high enough for therapy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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