I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
