How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
