last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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