benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
