Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
