I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize