I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
