I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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