What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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