I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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