Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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