She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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