Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize