Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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