Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
