we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
