I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
