summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is Oprah even human
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
