i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
