And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
