Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
