she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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