Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
