it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
