first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
