Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
