pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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