Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
