I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
