Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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