Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
