Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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