You work out of a Hotel?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
