your thong is hanging out like whoa
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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