Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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