were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
