All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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