You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize