i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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