My first STD was from a foam party
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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