Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
