real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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