you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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