I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
