I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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