I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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