I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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