somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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