dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
