omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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