i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
did i just pee glitter
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
