you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
