Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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