butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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