someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
