Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Two words: nipple clamps
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